Better Questions to Ask Your Kids After School (Instead of "How Was Your Day?")
"How was your day?"
"Fine."
Every parent knows this exchange. And it's not because our kids don't want to talk to us - it's because the question is genuinely hard to answer. Asking a child "how was your day?" is a bit like someone asking you "how were the last ten years of your life?" Impossible to answer.
With school starting back up, here are a few ways to get past "fine" that actually work.
Give it a minute. Kids often need time to transition from school mode to home mode, and when the questions come the second you see them, it can feel like too much. The first few minutes are better spent just reconnecting - a hug, a snack, an "I missed you today." The real conversation can wait until dinner, and sometimes the best conversations even happen at bedtime, when the day has settled.
Get specific. Small, concrete questions are so much easier to answer than big open ones. "Did anything funny happen today?" or "What made you laugh today?" gives them somewhere to start. For younger kids, an either/or works even better: "What did you like more today - recess or lunch?"
Follow what you noticed. If you want to know more, your child's behavior is often the opening. "You had such a big smile when I picked you up today - did something great happen today?" lands very differently than a string of questions, because it shows you were paying attention rather than collecting a report. Kids also appreciate specific questions that show you notice, like “I know you were looking forward to gym today, did you get to play your favorite game?”
Try a dinner game. Some families find that a little structure works well:
Rose and thorn (and bud) - everyone shares the best part of their day, the worst, and something they’re looking forward to.
Two truths and a lie - each person shares three things about their day, and everyone guesses which one didn’t happen.
Conversation starters - a jar or deck of questions on the table, with questions that get everyone talking.
And then - just listen. Put the phone away, be present and listen when they’re talking.
Calm evenings with time to open up and share our days require a dinner that’s ready, and some nights that’s the hardest part. It’s where we can help, though - when there are fresh, home-cooked meals already in your fridge, dinner isn't one more thing to figure out at 5:30, and it's a lot easier to sit down together and ask a good question.