Feeding a Picky Eater: The Division of Responsibility Approach
If your child is a picky eater, dinner can feel like a daily negotiation. Strong food preferences, refusal to try new foods, and sudden rejection of once-loved foods are common expressions of picky eating. A typical phase in early childhood, picky eating tends to peak in the toddler years and, for most children, gradually subsides as they get older.
It’s natural to want to encourage your child to eat more or try something new—especially when you’re worried about nutrition. But experts suggest that children are more open to food when meals feel low-pressure and predictable, rather than focused on amounts or outcomes.
The Division of Responsibility Feeding Model
A helpful framework for feeding kids comes from internationally renowned dietician and family therapist Ellyn Satter. Her Division of Responsibility Model defines who is responsible for what at meals:
Caregivers are responsible for what food is offered, when meals and snacks happen, and where eating takes place
Children are responsible for whether they eat and how much they eat from what’s offered
This approach allows kids to learn to trust their bodies, while parents can let go of the pressure to manage every bite. Over time, this mindset support a healthier relationship with food and fewer power struggles at the table.
Practical Tips to Support Picky Eaters
Serve at least one “safe food” your child already likes at every meal. This ensures your child can eat something without needing a separate meal.
Offer new foods when your child is hungry. For example, put out a pre-dinner snack of a new fruit or vegetable, like carrot sticks or apple slices.
Be realistic about portion sizes. Resources such as the American Academy of Pediatrics or guidance from your pediatrician, can help set age-appropriate expectations.
Help kids tune into their own hunger and fullness cues. Children are born with the ability to regulate their hunger and fullness. When adults try to override that, it can interfere with natural regulation.
Use descriptive language instead of labels. Talk about food as crunchy, creamy, tangy, or mild—rather than “good,” “bad,” or “healthy.” These conversations can also be playful and imaginative, like letting your child re-name foods.
Involve kids in the process. Washing produce, stirring sauces, or assembling plates builds familiarity and curiosity, and helps them feel included in what they’re eating.
Prioritize shared family meals. When possible, eat the same food together. Seeing adults enjoy a variety of foods creates exposure and is one of the most powerful ways kids learn. Breaking meals into components can help – deconstructed meals give kids choice without extra work, while parents still get to enjoy interesting food.
At Easyfeast, we believe food should support family life – not stress it. When mealtimes feel manageable and nourishing, everyone has more space to enjoy them.
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